PDSD: Post Dramatic Sunset Disorder

 In the Kalahari desert,

I met a King who called me his love
and blessed my path.

We stood before the sunset,
And I felt it down, deep in my soul
Pouring breath into me
Like warm light, liquefied
Slipping into my cells,
Making my blood sing,
Calling me home.

It was boundless

As I am boundless

As are we all,

Always and ever following an endless wave of warmth,

The ever fading, shifting, vibrantly tinted interaction

between light and atmosphere, presence and absence.

Before, I walked as though blind
Blind with Ego.
          with Judgment.
Blind and lost and searching for what has been here, all along and always.

I met a King who peered into me with twinkling eyes

His desert, like a mother, stole from me my wretched sense of self.

Down in that darkness of the soul, I was drowning in a sea of water and wind,

thirsty but for all the salt
I couldn't drink.

My breath was stuck.
I stumbled into the bars of my self-made cage,
Bars called Heartache, Worthlessness, and Loss.
Bars named Lost child, and Lost faith.
It was cage called Abandonment,

named for what had been done to me,
And what I had had been taught to do.

I hid within the familiarity of a prison I named into existence.

But the door has always been open.

I met a King who sat beside me at the fire, took my hand and said,
"Tell me of your sorrows and hurts. I will listen as well as I can,
and if I understand you,
I will offer what healing I have to take with you,
For your journey has been blessed"

I left my sickness on the thorny, desert grass of the Kalahari.
I let it slip from me like a snake too big for its skin.
The call was always there,
in the stillness inside,
the sacred space within that never fails to resonate with the beauty of truth.
Beauty that scours like a coarse powder, scraping away at the comfortable lies and illusions that had padded my cell.

I emerged

Breathless and gasping
as the tears flooded,
Irrepressible and perfectly right

With whose eyes had I been looking but not seeing?

The motherland called me to her.

She called, and I accepted her

in the most ancient language of adoration
Forged in the discordant, perfect harmony of all that has been
And all that will be.

I am here
I live
I breathe
And  with the perfect clarity of a child,
I see that this world made me

In an endless ocean of you’s and us’s and we’s
And I cry shamelessly in love with what I encounter in the stillness.
Peace within that shelters and holds me
Ignited compassion
It fills me up and joyous, decanted love pours out,

daring and unfettered.

I am,

And have always been
In the right place
and at the right time that brought me to this desert

To see this sunset

This one that is all around and in every pore

This one that dies in shimmering grasses that hold the fading light and color like infinite, dancing canvases.

As it ends for me,

I bask in the knowledge that it never ends for ‘we’.

This desert,

Full of life
and love
And the pain of living.

Achingly beautiful, delicately balanced
and as strong as the people who live within it.

I met a King in the Kalahari who called me his love,

And his sunset brought me home.