Be Human

So.

It starts, again.

I don't know where to begin.

Though I feel like I am living on an alternate plane of existence, I know I am still right here.

My brain simply is lazy, and does not want to consider the implications of my reality.

This is where my stubbornness becomes an asset; I no longer want to to experience the pain of disunity so I will not let myself avoid the unification of my past with my present.

I accept that all of me exists, and that all of me is on purpose and meaningful to me, and pain slides out of me.

I retain the courage to continue to look inward, no matter what I think I'll find, and what I see is usually not as scary as I thought.

As a human, I can only be so complicated.

I must uncomplicate myself.

A student in class today (whom I will not pretend I understand completely) did a lot of talking, and not a lot of listening. It felt he was projecting all of his bullshit onto me, and he tried to make it fit where it didn't.

And I said my truth, and left it at that. I didn't need to engage him into any more depth of conversation.

Abandonment

This is a theme that spans lifetimes.

I am reminded of what begets expectation.

It is a series of needly points inside the left portion of my chest.

It cannot be soothed by the skin of another.

It cannot be moved by the voice of a brother.

It cannot be saved by the tire in my soul, or the limp in my bowl, or the stop of my roll.

It cannot be stopped by the words of a friend

Or the turn of a bend

Or the light at the end.

It seems that to mend

It

Or send

It

Away,

Would be to rend

It

From me forcibly.

Or lend it to powdery installments of sanity,

To make sense of it briefly.

I've been shut out

Broken down

Left to drown

In my own toxicity

Care not for a sponge

Not a dollop of ignorance

This bliss we all fight to maintain

It brings us all down

Not to date, but to frown

At our own capabilities therein.

And here in my mind

I get scared all the time

That someone'll find

That

It

Has

Never left me.